I often ask myself if leaving Howard University to chase my dreams was a good idea. Some have told me I was crazy to leave a sure thing. Others have had mixed feelings on the departure. And me? I've been undecided for the last two years- until last week when I saw Ben Stiller in "House of Blue Leaves" on Broadway.
Stiller, who made his big stage debut in the same production back in the 80's as the main character's son, returned to the production to play the protagonist. In the play, Artie, a 40-something unappreciated New York musician, struggles to chase his aged dreams while working as a zoo-keeper and caring for his mentally disturbed wife.
However, before the audience could feel sorry for Artie, we learned that he was also carrying on a very public affair with his downstairs neighbor. What a shame. I was so ready to sympathize with him as one whose dreams had never come true. As for my dreams, I never starred in a TGIF sitcom, I never went to the Olympics, and I never got to be the lead singer of a boy band.
That night, I shared my nevers with Artie as he blamed everyone for his being "an old talent", defined as one who still chases youthful dreams in old age. He blamed his wife and her mental problems for holding him back, he blamed his job for not allowing him growth, and he blamed club owners for not liking the music he played.
But there was a saving grace for Artie. The Pope was coming to New York and legend has it that anyone who makes a wish in the presence of the Pope will have that wish come true. I laughed with the audience at Artie's audacity to take his wife and his mistress to see the Pope together. But it seems that Artie really believed.
However, that visit to wish upon the Pope only unraveles Artie's life more as he looses a grip on all of the things that he does have in order to make a grab at all of those things that he doesn't.
During this play I thought back to when I let go. I just walked away. I left class, packed up my dorm room, and I hit the open high way in search of adventure. Boy, how far that adventure has taken me. From DC, to Atlanta, to Charlotte, and now to New York- all in search of fame.
But is fame really worth it? In "House of Blue Leaves" Artie's mistress, Bunny, sees him fading away in search of the spotlight and tells him that a regular life is all that one should desire because "when the stars go to sleep at night, it's us they dream of." Artie didn't take Bunny's advice, and though she sounded as deep as a home wrecker could sound, I can't take that advice either. Like Artie, there is an itch in all of us to want to be greater than we are. I felt that itch long ago, but waited years to scratch it.
Now, I'm an associate at a repuable entertainment company in New York and living out the early stages of my dreams, like going to big shows for free, skipping lines, sitting in on concert rehearsals, and being a part of bookings and contract negotiations. I'm living the almost good life. Just think, If I had stayed at Howard, I would be on my way to being a community celebrated writer of books that are only read by collegues and students. I gambled on my life, and as of now I think I am cashing in.
I looked back to the stage to see Ben Stiller, as Artie, crouched, lamenting his dreams that never came true. I also looked at the acquaintances I'd come with: an a near 60-year-
old music manager, a 55-yea- old actor, and a 50 something-year-old writer; all famous in thier own circles. I watched the close of the show with a really good feeling that someday I would be famous. I'd hate to be an old talent.
jjoneswrites@yahoo.com
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