I am dark skinned-almost as dark as "black" can be. I have a new-era afro. I was educated at two well-known HBCU's. I am vocal about my love for black art, African folklore, and black history. So, you can imagine how baffled I was when another black student at my nearly all white law school said "you are the white boy of the crew" simply because my shirts are not overly expensive with some meaningless lable on the front, my jeans fit, and I don't wear tennis shoes. This was troublesome, indeed. This same student also felt the need to question my allegience to the black student body by saying things as "You are too propper" "You don't act like us" and "You listen to opera and country music." Again, I was baffled. I could not understand the ignorance that is still prevelant within the black race. Especially among the "educated" blacks. Such a shame. Loan money can buy a degree, but that's about all it buys these days.
The comments from that classmate was not the first time I'd encountered such ignorance. Ingnorance began in my own house. My mother was the first person to say that I was "acting white." From where she was standing, being interested in other sports besides basketball and football, being bi-lengual, keeping the "gs" on the end of my words, and wanting more than the trailor park or run-down apartment that we lived in was simply not in tow with the black race or lifestyle. There is no surprise that my brothers and sisters followed my mother's lead in classifying my deviant interests as "white."
It is something to wonder at. I only celebrate black holidays (most of which I have originated based on important events in black history), I don't believe in interracial dating, and I only go the theater to see black produced films. However, my siblings say that I think that I am "white" because I have a college degree, I don't sit on the porch all day and smoke black and milds, and I don't have meaningless tattoos covering my body. Intriguing.
Recently, I shared my delimma with an older friend. Her story is similar to mine in that she has a variation of an afro, was educated at a well-known HBCU, and her interests and hobbies vary from what blacks think is acceptable. She told me that she always got, and still gets, the "she thinks she's white" comments from others. I sympathized with her, as I knew what she was going through. I asked my friend her thoughts on this black limitation.
Her thoughts were astounding. She said simply, "we hate ourselves." Her words made so much sense. We, the black race, the American decendants of Africans, Africans in America, or whatever we choose to call ourselves, show clear and unarguable signs of hating ourselves. We hate ourselves so much that we have doomed ourselves to an everlasting state of mass mediocrity and neo-servitude. We hate ourselves so much that we celebrate the destructive behavior among our people and denounce any progressessive behavior that our brothers and sisters exhibit. It is a shame. We are the only group of people that allows brilliance to take a back seat to stupidity. We are the only group of people whose role models are the loudest ghetto women on reality shows and rappers who go to jail at least once a year.
From my friend's comment, I learned why it is so important to blacks to be ignorant. That is the only way to be sure that the self-hatred will continue. However, I will not be a part of this plot to kill us. I took the path of self love and self preservation. So I will take my afro, Wal-mart shirts, Sperrys, country music, and standardized English and move on. I am not a member of the "we." And to all you "wes" out there, I am not acting white. You are all just acting ignorant.
James Jones
jjoneswrites@yahoo.com
www.quickread.ning.com
www.twitter.com/K2quared
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